Tuesday, April 21, 2009
{ 6:50 AM }
i did something bad today and i'm feeling really bad now. it's the kind of guilty feeling, the fear that someone will find out what you just did. i know the consequences i'll have to face is undesirable, yet i cant help but chance it. oh please, let no one find out how naughty i am. actually i'm not. i have a reason. ok, a reason is just an excuse only. sigh. will i be forgiven? dear lord, please forgive your sinful daughter. and i pray that nobody will ever find out what i have done. i promise not to do it again. i swear! if i ever do this again, i'm willing to bear the consequences now and then. but for now, spare me? let me get away with this for just one time. will this be kept a secret forever? why have i degraded myself to doing that? that's because i dont want to hurt anyone, especially you and me. maybe more of me, so forgive me for being so selfish. forgive me for being such a letdown. forgive me for being a _(secret)_.
my mind is in a roller coaster. i cant decide where is the front and where is the back. is that the opening of the cave? i thought i saw the light, but it flickered off again. so maybe that was not what i had been looking for. it is that artificial light that saved me. yet i dont know if it really did. or did it land me in deeper shit? i guess no one will ever understand my feeling right now. it's alright if you think i'm bad. but please do try to understand where i'm coming from. it's insufferable. i suck because i'm a bad bad bad bad bad girl=(